5 years living up my non-mom life

Nowadays, I wake up to intense leg cramps. I have to jolt out of bed and put my feet in a standing position & almost immediately the sharp pain subdues. 

That is my number 1 pregnancy symptom & honestly I’m not complaining. I’m part of the 6am club now haha, waking earlier than before with a ‘natural alarm’.

Other than that, my experience over the past 5 months has been incredible. Very lucky - zero nausea, and no pains all round. I feel energized & haven’t had any substantial mood changes. 

The only time I proper felt pregnant was while I was eating pasta every single day in Italy 🍝 & now I’m sure that wasn’t even the baby. Oh and I crave double cheeseburgers a lot - but I kinda always did. 

I have a few theories as to why my own journey has felt so smooth so far. 

1st - I’m mentally determined to have a good pregnancy. & I want to challenge the status quo of how motherhood has been percieved. Because I know I’ve judged it in the past -  it immediately comes with assumptions (relatively fair ones) that life is different, their focus & time will be more limited, and they are for the most part identify as a just a mom. 

I don’t just want to shift into just being a mom. I want to still be me, and have my own life & do that great too. I’d like for my relationship to strengthen, I’d like for that meaning in life to wow me in new ways. But I don’t & wont be compromising on also having my own identity. Whatever that change means, this new era of my life - I’m still going to aim to be epic with it and if I suck at it - that will be my journey too. Haha

2nd theory - I really spent the last 15 years living up my non-mom life. I played so hard. 

I am able to look back at this period & truly acknowledge some epic journeys, I’ve done everything I’ve wanted to do. From moving countries, traveling the world, building 6-7 fig businesses, connecting with epic people globally to simply finding a home base & eating my Italian boo’s home cooked food. I’m so gooooood. 

I have nothing left on my so called bucket list that feels like I’m not ready for this next phase of life. I’m stoked for it. I’m so down. I cannot wait for the pain of child birth or the after depression that’s about to hit me. I want to experience this phenomenon & witness the power of the female body. 

Making a little human still blows my mind and very blessed to have the opportunity for this to be part of my reality. I’m grateful

While I was in my late 20’s the pressure of the body clock ticking was prevalent - thanks to my nagging Chinese mother who would never let me forget. I think the number 1 question of any call would be if I had a baby yet. Part of me believed that even if I didn’t find someone - becoming a mom was something I could technically do even independently. I have friends who have chosen this path, Penny who had triplets & Ursa who’s had a baby just last month - technically no present man required. And I commend them, it’s epic - being entirely in control of the path that you want to have - go ladies! 

I remember the pressure & my rebellious nature just not being ready for motherhood - and for some others it might not ever be. I totally respect that. In so many ways, I can’t believe I’m becoming one of those women, who will have the responsibility of a tiny child. 

If you had told me a few years ago that I’d be becoming a mom. It’ feels somewhat out of place in my then personal brand - carefree, nomadic, business woman, financial freedom, tech nerd? Now I get to be cool/annoying mom too - haha Im curious to how it will all fit together. 

A new era, the next big evolution. Bring it.