Happy Father's Day

I wish I had lots more photos with my dad, so instead, these are all photos my dad took of me as a kid. 

He actually was a photographer himself, he had a Nikon film camera, with a million different lenses back then. A hobby where he had to explain to me why there was a topless white lady portrait hanging haha. 

He is the hardest working person I know pulling 12 hour shifts for decades and he went through some insane experiences that I probably will never comprehend.

From being the youngest of 5, and the only one to be able to escape the Vietnam war, he was at a refugee camp teaching English for years before he made it to out to Australia. I don’t know any of the details, it’s not a journey he really tells me about. 

But no family, alone, new country, starting literally with nothing. When I moved to London in 2017 and felt like that was one of the hardest experiences ever yet I still spoke English  & it was before Brexit. Haha. 

My dad found my mom in Guangzhou, China, learned a whole different language (cantonese) to communicate with each other. & started building this family together in Melbourne Australia. 

Something I love about my heritage, is we are 1st generation asian immigrants born in Australia. We have all these background traditions from both China & Vietnam, but we also merged and had to adapt that to Australian culture too. I’m really thankful that I got to grow up speaking different languages at home. It’s now a skill I’m so thankful for. 

I have incredible respect for my father, something I could only understand better later on. Because when I was growing up, I liked to be a rebel. I had trouble being on the same page as him often. 

I disagreed a lot because I was not only young & stupid but I also was entirely clueless to what was happening for my parents - I could only see face value the emotions, the hardship or the stress & was never really told what they were going though. 

No one tells the kids about the all the adult things we didn’t need to deal with at all like bills, mortgages, cost of living and all. 

Why do the kids get to live in absolute ignorance & get food for no cost and no work? Growing up I would get yelled at for leaving the light on for too long. 

As I’m now only 15 weeks away from becoming a mother myself - That moment of ‘one day you will understand’ has come. Lol

It feels like I understand better how these dynamics we have were formed. 

Why for the longest time I just blamed my dad for so much and yet never once did he explain to me that he was the sole bread winner for 5 of us- Not sure if that’s even possible in this day anymore with the cost of living now? No chance. 

Sometimes I wonder if I was tuned into what was happening would I have been more understanding. If I had been communicated to about the actual ins and outs of how finances and earning worked, learned how the economy actually works and how it affects our daily spending & living quality - would I have had a clearer picture as I grew up?

I did get told but in a sense of consequence, or taking life seriously. All the lectures, all the stories that were meant to teach me something - I just wanted to be allowed to live and have fun in the moment. 

He was trying to prepare me for life & its responsibilities. 

I finally understand my dad better now. I’m so grateful and I can see how he really did try and do most things for our sake (the children). At the same time, I really wish that he didn’t put the pressure of doing everything for us, and also pursued his own dreams from time to time.

It felt like we were the reason he wasn’t having fun, or he wasn’t’ enjoying life. I wished that he didn’t put everything into reason just for us.

It’s probably something I want to be aware of for my own kid who’s coming - I can’t just live for only him - that doesn’t make love less greater. 

It just means we live for ourselves too. 

Anyway, lots of love to the dads out there! Jay’s going to be one too by next year haha.